Mina and the Goldfish

Rain thrummed against the dark pavement, the sound just breaking past Mina’s soaked hood and headphones. She stood on the sidewalk at the corner of 21^st and Sill, staring in the direction of the latter. It was barely four blocks from her home, and yet it had been years since she’d stepped anywhere near it.

Her music stalled as a message came in on her phone. She sheltered the screen from the rain. It only took a few seconds to learn what she needed from her sister’s text and shove the phone back in her jeans. Hanging her hands in her pockets, she pushed down the street towards her gran’s house.

* * * *

Mina didn’t know the house number, having been only ten the last time she was there. Thankfully, Gran’s house had a pretty distinctive landmark. In one of the neat little lawns, resting against an old oak, was the giant fake skull of a longhorn steer, porchlight glinting on its rain-wet horns. Yep, this is Gran’s place. Mina stopped and looked toward the porch. She searched her mind a final time to see if there was anyone else she could go to. A few names came to mind, but all of them would give her those judgey looks that she just couldn’t deal with right now.

Gathering her breath, she stepped down the path, onto the porch, and knocked on the door beside the disconcerting gash in the wood. She heard shuffling from inside.

The door creaked open. A short, sturdy eighty-year-old woman in an apron appeared in the gap, wearing a tank top, basketball shorts and house slippers.

Mina attempted a smile. “Hey… Gran.”

The woman startled and squinted. “Mina? My Lordy, girl, you look like you hugged a puddle.”

Mina’s shoulders stooped into her jacket. “Can I come in?”

“Course!” Gran moved aside to let Mina inside before securing the door behind her.

“So, uh…”

“Nope.” Gran held up a twiggy hand. “No words until you’re dried off a bit. I’ll find you some clothes.”

“You really don’t have to.”

“Oh tush. I still have some of your dad’s old things that should work.” She moved toward and up the stairs in that halted way old people do. She looked sort of like Yoda, only not green and with a little more agility in her. And, of course, her Gran actually had hair; it was silver-white and fell in thin crinkles down to her shoulders.

Mina stood there waiting, the drips from her clothing awkwardly ticking into the silence. The living room was different from what she remembered. She’d changed the wall paint from light blue to beige, and much of the furniture had been downgraded to give a more lived-in look. She remembered her Pop was the one who kept things neat around the house. Gran must have made things more her own style after he died. Mina was having trouble finding things that weren’t different until she spotted the goldfish bowl.

It was the same see-through globe with turquoise pebbles, a scraggly plant, and, of course, a single neon goldfish.

She heard Gran shuffle into the room. “Here ya go, these should… fit.” Mina glanced back and saw Gran’s eyes go from the goldfish to her, growing teary. 

She looked like she was about to say something, so Mina grabbed the clothes with a quick thanks and hurried to the bathroom.

* * * *

Mina came out into the living room, hearing Gran doing something in the kitchen. She sat on the couch next to her Pop’s favorite chair. She was grateful that the sweatpants her Gran gave her were loose enough to comfortably sit cross-legged. The t-shirt was faded, but Mina could still make out the name of her dad’s high school garage band.

Gran came in holding two steaming mugs that smelled like mint. She paused and smiled. “With your long hair, you look like your dad. You got your mama’s nose though.” She moved into the room. “Her one good feature.”

Mina tried to smile through the awkwardness, glancing around.

Gran set her own mug on one of the side tables. “So what brings you here?”

Mina tensed. “I just thought it’d been a while since I last saw you.”

Gran froze while setting Mina’s mug on the coffee table. “Mm-hm.”

Mina squirmed in the silence. “So, how’ve you been?”

Gran took her time settling into her chair before looking back at Mina. She shrugged. “Can’t complain. The doctor tried to convince me I should be in a home for oldies.” She shivered.

Mina frowned slightly. “Are you sick?”

“Nope. That’s why he wanted me there. Says I’m too healthy for my age.” She shook her head. “Makes him nervous, the poor fool.”

Mina released a short breath, half-smiling. “You never did like doctors.”

Gran made a face. “Think they know everything. When I was young, they said women shouldn’t do physical work. I just smiled and kept right on working.”

“You were a boxer, right?”

Gran grinned with a few telling gaps. “Best there was. That was before women could get a license for boxing, like they can now.”

Mina frowned. Grabbing her tea, she shifted away. “Mom says boxing is for sinners.”

Gran sighed. “Yes, well, she and I never did see eye to eye.” Gran frowned. “Mina…”

“Why do you have a giant skull in the yard?” Mina pushed the question over her Gran’s voice. She wasn’t keen on hearing what her Gran was going to say.

Gran’s eyelids widened a bit, but then drooped back to rest just above her brown rimmed pupils. She sighed. “You see, the neighbors were doing this beautification nonsense several years back and were pressuring your Pop and me to join in.” She grinned with remembered mischief. “They said our lawn needed a distinguishing feature.”

“But why a giant fake cow skull? Where did you even get it from?”

“Some theme park in Ohio was giving it for free. It was from an old ride or something. Your Pop and me drove out and got it. We just couldn’t disappoint the neighbors.”

“And they let you keep it?”

Gran shrugged. “Our property isn’t part of the development, so they couldn’t force us to ditch it. Shut them up nicely for the last thirty years.”

Mina raised her chin. “Mom said it makes it look like the house of a white-trash heathen.”

Gran looked at her squarely. “Your mother says a lot of things.”

“Is she wrong? No self-respecting Christian would have their yard looking like that.”

“You’re entitled to your opinion. But I’ve never read in the Bible that Jesus cared two figs what my yard looks like.”

Mina watched her fingernail hurriedly tick at the rim of her mug. “What would you know about the Bible? Don’t pretend you’re so righteous. Mom told me what you did.”

Gran’s face froze and then settled into soft lines. “I’ve got nothing to hide.”

Mina glanced at her. “You don’t deny it?”

Gran shrugged. “Why should I? It’s not much of a secret if you already know.”

“You’re not ashamed?” She squeezed the mug handle.

Gran gave her a look. “Mina, I’m fine with telling you everything, but something tells me I’m not the one you’re really asking.”

Mina shrank around the mug of tea in her lap.

“Do you remember when I got that goldfish for you?”

Mina looked at the spherical bowl. “It’s not the same one. He couldn’t have lived this long.”

“Nope. It’s the same one that you picked out of a thousand in the pet store. The clerk caught one out of the bunch, but you insisted he had to get this specific fish. Six years, and he still splashes water on my wood table.” She paused. “He’s missed you.”

“It’s not my fault Carol and I couldn’t come back to see him!”

“You’re here now.”

“Only ‘cause I have nowhere else to go.”

Gran leaned forward in her chair. “What happened, Mina?”

She frowned and set down her mug so she could hug the throw pillows. “I was at Dad’s apartment this weekend and… he missed my birthday so he… payed for me to get a tattoo.”

“He what?”

“It’s not that big a deal, but mom flipped when I told her.” Mina dug her fingers into the brown hair that still clung damply to her skull. “Carol said I shouldn’t go back home for a few days.”

Gran shook her head slowly. “You’ve lived with the woman your whole life, and you didn’t think she’d take issue with your getting a tattoo? I knew she was like that the day my boy brought her home.” She made a sour face at the memory.

Mina frowned. “I don’t know, I guess… I just wanted to do something my way for once.”

“How’s your way treating you so far?”

Mina tensed and stabbed a finger at Gran. “Don’t act like you’re perfect! I’m not the one who had an affair.”

Gran closed her eyes for a long moment. When she looked back at Mina, her gaze was intense. “You’re right. I sinned. I just did things my own way.”

Mina ducked her chin an inch.

“Mina, I messed up. Pretty badly too, and I hurt a lot of people. But, like I said earlier, I’ve got nothing to hide.”

Mina stood suddenly and glared at her. “Why not? You sinned! You… you should be ashamed of yourself.”

“Should I?” Gran rose and moved over to stand by Mina. “Mina, being a Christian is like being a goldfish. You stick out no matter what part of the bowl you swim to, and everyone can see what you’re doing. I’m not going to try and hide the truth.”

“But it was wrong.”

“Yes, it was. More than you know. I asked forgiveness from everyone I could think of starting with LORD God Himself, and He, at least, forgave me.”

Mina’s eyes were swimming. “How can you be so resolved? Mom still hates you for it. So does the rest of the family.”

“That’s mostly true, but I can’t change their minds any more than they can change what I did. But think on this.” Gran caught her with a clear gaze. “If we’ve already been forgiven, why should we have to continue living in shame and self-loathing?”

Mina drooped back into the couch. “I don’t know.”

Gran sat beside her. “Mina, do you know why I left that skull out there?”

Mina sniffed and wiped at her nose. “No.”

“Because I liked it. I would’ve taken it down years ago otherwise.” Gran grasped Mina’s hands in her own wrinkled ones. “Whether people like it or not, everyone who sees my yard knows I’m different. It’s true. If I hid it away in the basement, it wouldn’t change who I am, or the fact that people think I’m a loony.”

Mina laughed despite the tears slipping down her face.

Gran wiped them away. “They’d think that regardless of what my yard looks like, so why try and hide it?”

Mina shook her head and hugged Gran, laughing and crying into her shoulder.

* * * *

Mina hugged Gran one last time in the hall before for opening the door to the guest bedroom.

“Wait a moment.”

Mina turned back.

Gran was smiling impishly, “You never showed me that tattoo of yours.”

Mina smiled and pulled up the right sleeve of her t-shirt. Curving in black ink was an intricate goldfish that swam across her shoulder. The long fins were formed with precise calligraphic lines, flowing out and around the fish’s body to frame his wide-eyed smile. “I missed him too.”

---

Bethany Morrison graduated from Belhaven University with a degree in visual art. She grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania and now lives with her sister in Texas. Stories and drawings are her way of relating to the world, creatively responding to experiences and thoughts. When she’s not lost in her stories, she can be found meandering down paths with bare feet and a ready smile.